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OK, back to our to-do list. It's jumping ahead on the gripe list to go into too much detail about the dry cleaning situation around here. For now, let's just say that it's not happening. "Wash and wear" is the local mantra, and you'd be wise to adopt it.

And for all of you fellow Japanese food lovers, you're stranded, too. Of course, it always helps to have an Asian population to move these things forward, but it's not like this type of cuisine hasn't been mainstreamed in most of North America, right? While pondering that point, resign yourself, as I have, to life without the charms of raw fish and vinegared rice unless you take to making it at home (as we have).

OK, so far we've filled the gas tank. Now what? Fast forward to lunch hour. Sushi is a pipe dream. Forget anything you'd have to buy in a store, for that matter. You'll be making your lunch the night before and bagging it, just like you did in fifth grade when your mother went on strike and said you were old enough to make your own damn lunches. As for the raw ingredients with which to build it? Plan a drive 40 minutes (one way) over the Washington border to the nearest organic grocery for a selection of real food that hasn't met up with pesticides or antibiotics.

And the bank deposit? (Pause for uncontrollable laughter.) Banks? Here? We're lucky to have a bank machine in town. Oh, and I must update the first post, because the 80's relic machine that we used to visit in the fossilized shrimp ring store in town was very recently removed. It looks like the shrimp ring was removed, too. Either HAZMAT took a run at it or a drunk tourist mistook it for something edible. But removing the bank machine? Why? Well, something about drawing in too many customers. No joke, folks. They even got rid of the lottery paraphernalia. Who wants to attract wallet-laden customers when you can run your shop quite contentedly without them? It's Canadian retailer logic, and more common than you could imagine.

At least one of the gas stations has a bank machine, but it's only useful for withdrawals. Well, when it's functional, that is. Our bank had a branch on every other block in Calgary, and we got very spoiled by it. Before moving here, we checked to see where the nearest branch was. According to their web site, it was only about 25 minutes away from this place. We can work with that, we thought. Then we arrived here with bank business to attend to, and 25 minutes stretched into an HOUR and 25 minutes. One way. And that's when it's dry and clear outside. It's up through a high-elevation mountain pass and downright treacherous in the 6-month-long winter. The bank's web site branch locator, needless to say, requires a reality check. We sure got one.

But back to our list. So you've made it through your workday and now face your post-job errands. Let me stop to remind you that this hypothetical office job couldn't exist here, either. But we need it for our example, so please just play along.

Meeting your main squeeze at a car dealership presupposes the existence of said dealership, of course. Well, you'll be striking this task off of your list unless you're willing to travel 3 1/2 hours to Kelowna or drive an hour across the border and settle for a used pickup truck. In other words, be sure to have the vehicle nailed down before you arrive here. Then just hope and pray that nothing ever goes wrong that would require a visit to the dealer.

Do we even need to visit task #7 and delude ourselves about the wild salmon and local vegetables? I thought not. If you have any carrot sticks or oxidized apple slices left over from your lunch bag, you'll be munching on those.

Next installment:

Gripe #4: Dry Cleaning, a.k.a., How many locals does it take to fill a wardrobe box?